


young wings

by yijeong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Blood, Drabble, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Graphic Description, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Self-Harm, Unhappy Ending, honestly dont read this lol, lapslock, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:27:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yijeong/pseuds/yijeong
Summary: donghyuck was never strong enough for the world





	young wings

**Author's Note:**

> uh this is vent fic so it's based very heavily off my  
> own self and life events and i just so happened to  
> project it onto donghyuck  
> dont read if your sensitive to anything mentioned in  
> the tags please please :[

was donghyuck ever strong?

he doesn’t believe so. he wasn’t strong the time he snorted adderall off the back of a toilet at 3am after drinking his body weight in vodka, or the time he sat in his dimly lit dorm room with a razor in one hand and blood on the other, or the time he ate a calorie over his limit and spent the better half of the evening hunched over a toilet with fingers shoved violently down his throat.

but it isn’t his fault, or at least he thinks so. donghyuck blames the universe for going against him when he lays in mark’s bed for the fifth time in a row, feeling used as mark leaves kisses on his neck with his hands on donghyuck’s thighs and sick from the drugs in his system. he says he was never meant to go against the world, he was never meant to be famous and have an uncountable number of expectations shoved onto his shoulders that were far too fragile to carry the weight of anything.

maybe that’s why donghyuck finds himself on the cold floor of the bathroom he shares with sicheng and johnny, with blood splattered across the stone tiles and bruises knuckles from punching the walls until he felt numb. he screamed until his throat hurt, cursing god and the world for making him this way, for putting him in situations he was far too young to handle, for forcing him to carry the debts of an idol from such a young age.

donghyuck scolds himself for complaining though, he doesn’t work as hard as the rest of nct, they’re as close to perfect as any one idol group can get, he thinks in his head. all he is is dead weight, dragging the group down with his horrible looks.

he hits the wall again for ever thinking he was fit for an idol group as talented as this.

lifting himself up on shaky legs, donghyuck leans against the counter and stares at his reflection in the mirror. he barely recognizes the boy in front of him, with deep black circles under his eyes and sharp cheekbones. he looks down and sees blood covering his forearms and hands and he suddenly feels sick, his stomach uneasy at the sight of mutilated wrists and from the lack of proper nourishment. 

donghyuck sends a silent apology to him mom as he slides back to the floor onto his bruises knees, his chest heaving and heart beating too fast and too hard inside his small chest. he stares again at the floor all over the floor, reaching out and running his fingers through it and trying to blink away the tears that pushed at his eyes. with a shaky hand, he wrote out i’m sorry with his blood and he suddenly became more aware of how heavy his eyes felt.

and he ignored the knocks at the locked door, and the panicked voices calling his name over and over.

and as his eyes closed he almost missed the sight of sicheng busting the door open and the way he screamed.


End file.
